Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day, blogging, GAPS, and more!

My dad would have celebrated his 69th birthday this year if he were still alive. He passed away 14 years ago after a long battle with lung cancer that spread to his brain and then his back. Sometimes I don't even think about him, other times I do but it's just fond memories, and then there are days like today when I wish I could pick up the phone, call him, and tell him "Happy Father's Day" and that I love him. Realizing that I can't and never will be able to again is devastating and there is an actual physical pain in my heart when I think about it. I know it will pass but those days are hard. He was so full of life, fun to be around, adventurous, intelligent, motivated, and more. I like to think that I am a lot like him but maybe that's just wishful thinking.

As for blogging, like so many times I thought I would keep up with it pretty much daily but that hasn't happened. It seems something always comes up that keeps me from writing. A lot of times it's brain fog, feeling like I can't capture my thoughts let alone write in coherent sentences, other times I question why I should blog. But here I am and I am about to start GAPS intro again - tomorrow. I will start with a zero carb version and without probees or ferments the first few days since I haven't done the stool test yet. I will be finishing it on Tuesday so Wednesday I will most likely add a drop of fermented veggie brine to my broth. I hope I will be able to tolerate it.

Thursday I tried adding some kefir made from raw cream. Friday wasn't so bad and I had a tiny bit more. By evening I was pretty hungry - more so than usual. Yesterday was awful...I was horribly, horribly swollen from the time I got up and it got worse as soon as I had coffee. I spent the whole day hungry, fighting cravings, and eating like horse. I could not get enough food in my body and by evening I gave in and had a tiny bite of walnut/hazelnut butter with honey in it. Although it wasn't much I am totally kicking myself and I really, really regret it. So unfortunately dairy is still out. I plan on staying off dairy, including ghee, for 6 weeks and then re-introducing it slowly starting with ghee. I am also not going past stage 2 of the intro diet until the abdominal distention goes away like Dr. McBride recommended.

I am so disappointed that I still feel so crummy after all this time. We are going on another cruise the week after Thanksgiving this year and I so wanted to be able to eat without looking like I am pregnant. I was hoping to have my flat stomach back by then, to have energy, to feel good, and to have a semi-normal vacation. Maybe that's still possible?!

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