Sunday, August 7, 2011

This gives me hope...

Lyme Success Stories

...and it made me cry. I am SO worn out on every level possible. I used to get up, have some coffee, go work out (running, weight lifting, Yoga, Pilates, more...), go work a full day, come home, cook dinner, and possibly go out with friends. Now cooking a meal seems like a chore. Filling the dogs' water bowel seems like too much some days. I miss the person I used to be and I am not happy with who I have become. Other than not knowing all these years what is truly causing my symptoms, not being able to do anything about them has been the hardest part. It seems that all my efforts to regain my health have been in vain. It is EXHAUSTING to try so hard to feel better yet feel like shit most days.

I used to be so focused and was able to concentrate and do my work no matter what was going on around me. It is something prior bosses commented on. Now I feel like I am trapped in a black box inside my head and all rational thought, focus, intelligence, and joy is outside that box, visible, but unreachable. It is the most horrible feeling when you try to explain something, put something into words, and you feel those words are within reach yet you cannot reach them. That is the best way I can describe it right now. Maybe one day, when I am past all this, I will be able to verbalize it better.

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