Starting Over

I wish I could say that things are better since the 21-day fast but not has changed really. At first the bloating was greatly reduced but as I started increasing calories and eating more food, the bloating got worse as well. I am once again getting candida die off symptoms from small amounts of coconut oil, Nystatin, and other anti-fungals. This is all very depressing and disappointing.

I found two osteopaths - one here in Nashville with about 10 years experience and one in Johnson City, about 4 1/2 hours from here, with about 20 years experience. I wanted to see the one in Johnson City, despite the drive, but her first available appointment is April 19th. I took it, but in the meantime decided to give the one here in Nashville a try. She is a little more expensive, but with the drive to Johnson City and gas prices, she was actually cheaper.

She was nice, listened to my issues, had me fill out an extensive questionnaire which we discussed, and then did the treatment. It was very different than the treatment I had from the osteopath in Germany. He sort of adjusted my body, similar to chiropractic adjustments, but much gentler. The osteopath here laid her hands on my ankles, then my back, and then my neck and head and just sat there for a few minutes. I later looked it up and found that she was doing Cranial Osteopathy. More on that later.

I told her during the appointment that I have some concerns that her treatment will not work. She said a lot of patients come in thinking she will twist their bodies into weird positions and feel they just wasted 1 1/2 hours (I was thinking $375!). But then they come back and feel better.

So - about the Cranial Osteopathy. I have had a Craniosacral Massage before and was skeptical about it. I am skeptical about this sort of osteopathy as well. According to her, my left leg appears shorter than my right leg again. Well, I don't see how having her hands on my head, back, and ankles for 5 to 10 minutes each, without any pressure or massage, will correct that misalignment of my body.

I don't know what to do now. I hate to go back because a follow-up appointment is $215. But I also know that one treatment is not enough. Today I was thinking about going back to Germany every 4 to 6 months to visit my mom and see the osteopath in Germany. In the meantime I could get adjustments from a chiropractor. The chiropractic adjustments would help with the misalignment and they would be cheaper than appointments with the osteopath.

I am so confused and once again not sure where God is leading me. I wish He would make himself known to me and show me where to go, what to do, who to see. I am tired of running from doctor to doctor, spending tons of money, and getting nowhere. Yet doing nothing doesn't seem right either.

In addition I messed up with food. I went back to chewing and spitting this weekend - a remnant from the eating disorder. One reason is that I seem incredibly hungry even when I eat tons of calories and another is sheer frustration. I have done and tried so much to get better and here I am feeling crappy. I just don't get it. So I was chewing and spitting with soaked and dry roasted walnuts. Now I regret it and I am starting over.

I also haven't stuck to my goals of not eating while standing, starting my day out with God every day, etc. Some days I do pretty good other days I don't. So I will be starting over with that again as well.

I believe I can get better and be healthy again, I just need to find out what the underlying cause of my health issues is.